A Beginner’s Guide to Being a Badass.
OK, so the situations getting better. My internet has been shabby as fuck lately, but I’m starting to cross some to-dos off the list and can finally get back to more writing. Stay tuned!
And PS! This site seems to work a lot better on firefox. Just sayin’
Five Years-David Bowie I’ve never had dreams about songs before, but I’ve had several dreams about this little ditty. And apparently, so did my soul-buddy David. Its pretty much Bowie’s idea of what it would be like if the world suddenly realized it had just five years left to go. He sings of how everyone deals with the news; of newscasters and policemen and soldiers and priests, and tall people and short people and skinny people and fat people. He goes on to describe his love interest, drinking milkshakes and waving despite the terror, and how he just thinks she is beautiful and how unbelievable it is that the world just has five years left. His voice cracks at the end, and oh my god, it makes me shake. Why can’t more songs be this moving? I’m sick of heartbreak songs, bring on the Armageddon songs! Now that’s some heavy shit.
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Oh, lord. Where do I even begin? This shall be the first in a series of commentaries on how much I love this woman and everything that comes out of her mouth. She is absolutely my hero, my favorite musician, my icon.
The first time I heard Siouxsie and the Banshees was in high school, at a weekend rehearsal for Richard III. There were maybe 10 of us castmembers there, setting up the stage. I was wearing a green slinky shirt, a long black skirt, and red suspenders. Matt, who was then just a good friend and is now my cohabiting boyfriend of 3 years-put a mix CD on the overhead speakers and Spellbound was the first song that came on. I was moved. I remember going up and asking him who was singing. I found some of his music on a school computer not long after that, and brought a CD in to secretly burn it all, and spent weeks of nights playing the mix on a little walkman before falling asleep. I burned it twice so I could leave it in my mom’s car. I would open my 17th story window and hang my legs out while listening to Cities in Dust and dance to Passenger in front of my full length mirror. I was ravenous for Siouxsie.
When I got to college, I introduced her to everyone who hadn’t met her yet. I finally nailed Matt to the first half of Juju on vinyl, and fell so deeply in love with Into The Light that it almost became dangerous. I used to take walks in the snowy woods by my college and listen to Israel, and The Quartering of the Dog reminds me of cross-country busrides. When I took my first pregnancy test, Ornaments of Gold played while Matt and I hugged and sniffled in the living room and waited for the little urine-stick to orchestrate our fate. When home alone, I put on Love Out Me and Icon and Spellbound and I dance and sing as loud as I can. Long story shorter, this woman has held my hand through everything.
If you’re just aquainting yourself with her stuff, listen to Spellbound. Its wonderful. (I’m not too hot about Christine, even through London pop-culture kind of was.) I’d recommend Tinderbox and Juju as good ‘introductory’ albums, have a short fling with Rapture if you’re a girl but don’t expect it to last forever, and then fall head-over-heels for Join Hands. The Last Beat of my Heart is the greatest breakup song ever written, and the more you listen to The Lord’s Prayer and realize that it was first conceived by an 18-ish Sioux, on a stage, singing for the first time, as a woman in a male-dominated culture, improvising-the more you realize that this gal has got the skills to pay the bills.
Video Video
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One of my favorite movies of all time is Natural Born Killers. Its like Bonnie and Clyde on acid, with Juliette Lewis (of The Licks,) the nerd from Cheers, Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Downey Jr and the white guy with the funny name from Men in Black. It was written by Quentin Tarantino and the soundtrack has 2 songs by Leonard Cohen and one by Patti Smith. If that alone doesn’t make your knees buckle with desire, then leave this website right now.
The story follows 2 lovebird-serial killers as they make their way across the Southern United States, dancing and wearing wigs and murdering rednecks to L-7. Also, Woody Harrelson is a babe and a half. Who knew?!
AWESOME.
Drink Everytime…
-someone dies (duhr.)
-”Wayne Gale” is mentioned
-Someone says “Mickey and Mallory Knox”
-Mickey talks about fate.
-whenever there’s a flashback.
-When Mallory dances.
-Someone says “I love you.”
Finish your drink/take your shot…
-When you see Rodney’s eyes bulge.
-When you can name a song playing in the background.
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Let me tell you a thing or two about Antonin Artaud.
1. He was discharged from the army because he was a “self-induced” somnambulist.
2. He wrote the first surrealist film, The Seashell and the Clergyman.
3. He spent some of his life living with the Tarahumara tribe of Mexico, where he tripped on peyote and fell in love with the supernatural.
4. He came up with the Theatre of Cruelty, this excellent idea of performances with intents of simply disturbing the audience. His plays were often just screams and grunts.
5. He died holding his shoe.
6. Yeah, yeah, and Bauhaus likes him too.
swooon.
Icon-Siouxsie and the Banshees. This song is acid rain falling on a beautiful, screaming girl as she bloodies her little fists on a giant drum. Get it? It starts slow and soft and melodic, and suddenly evolves into wailing and an affirmative bass line. Cry to this song at least twice, listen to it when you’re dreading an impending situation, or looking back on some epic memory. Stand in the rain and listen to this song. At least sing it into your hairbrush when you’re at your most miserable. Siouxsie’s vocals are absolutely showcased, rivaled only by then-husband Budgie’s percussion. This song is epic.
awesome dress.
So, if I could look exactly like anyone else in the entire world, I think I would choose Dita Von Teese. She’s totally got it down, and (despite her obvious foremothers,) is the first to really do what she’s doing. She was born fascinated with lingerie, became a stripper in college, cultivated her own pinup-peepshow style act, and now she’s totally made it and performs burlesque proffesionally, designs lingerie, and has written her own book on fetish and burlesque. Whenever I see her in interviews I’m just astounded by her natural grace and sophistication, and her birth name is Heather Sweet. What the hell? She was destined for this crap. I love it.
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Von Teese-Inspired Plan of Attack:
1. Go out of your way to wear frilly lingerie, garter belts, and thigh-highs wherever you go, whenever you go. Pick a target, any target, and adjust those stockings like its meant to be a secret!
2. “Apply lipstick in full view of your victim.” Bonus points if you do it using one of those classic-compact mirrors.
3. For that freshly-dead look, stay out of the sun and when in the sun, coat yourself in high-SPF sunscreen. Costume shops carry white face powder and creams, but remember: those don’t work if you’re not pale already. You’ll only look like a fool. For more pallor tips, visit this website.
4. Red nail polish and red lipstick. Ka-ching.
5. Take burlesque classes, ballet classes, pole-dance classes, bellydance classes…anything that makes you feel comfortable and sexy in your own kickin’ body!
6. Learn to walk in stilettos, and invest in a nice pair with at least 3 inches of heel. 3 inches is kind of the magic number.
7. Waist Train. Rumor has it that Dita’s waist is a 22, capable of corsetting down to a 16. 16!
And, finally. Watch these. No, seriously. WATCH THESE.
sleepy kitten B-)
Ahhh, the deathhawk. Just like the perfect woman, its a tease that never bends under pressure. Its hot, its easy, and holy damn when you’ve got a good one you just know it.
boyfriend's deathawk, age 18.
I ogled at deathhawks for months before it even got real. I planned and plotted, I pro-ed and con-ed. Then, my opportunity arose. College happened. I was so excited. I pulled out my econo-sized scissors my first week there, and just, well, cut the sides.
As deathhawks go, there’s no real rules for cutting. Look at pictures, you’ll get it. Make sure you leave corners in front of your ears if you want them! They aren’t easy to cultivate, once they’re gone. Snip away as much as possible before you even think about razoring it. My boyfriend uses an electric razor, followed by a hand-held disposable, to clean up bits. (This is if youre going for bald sides.) Its not easy to maintain bald sides on your own, but if you have a lover with the same haircut it makes for adorable memories that you’ll surely cherish forever.
my deathhawk was woman-colored.
Start the styling process by messing your hair up erratically and as fast as possible. I used to rub my head all over my bed before using any product, just mess and mess and mess it up until it basically stands up on its own. Take the strongest comb you have (dog combs are awesome) and tease the hell out of your hair. Backcomb the very life out of it. (GOTHIC HAIR IS XTA DEAD @LULz) Then, hang your head upside down and SPRAY. Use the strongest hairspray you can find, I used Rave#4 thanks to the internet’s recommendations, but whatever you will. While your head is still upside down and slightly damp from hairspray, blow dry your hair up.
The thing to remember is that hair is already dead, just keep it unconditioned and mostly unwashed. Once you’ve got it up it almost impossible to get it back down again, so don’t worry about it “taking forever to style.” That’s crap. Just carry a fine-tooth comb with you wherever you go, and keep a constant supply of heavy-duty hairspray. If your hair is long enough, you can cover the bald sides when at work/with the conservative family. Your head will look weird and square, but at least you won’t look like a gamer, right?
the boy and i, demonstrating flaccid deathhawks.
Plus you can do all this cool stuff to your hair, you lucky bitch:
-dye leopard prints/cobwebs into your sides
-dread bits of it
-fasten chicken bones into it
-use glitter hairspray
-attach hair extensions to get a my-little-pony effect
-have a black deathhawk with bright white tips, to resemble a border.
-dye it ocean colors and wear fish clips
-Bettie bangs+deathhawk= gahh sometimes I just wish my mom didn’t get a facebook.
-Bleach it all white and tie little red ribbons into it
-shave steps into the sides
-get ridiculous scalp tattoos
Visual Learner?
